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<title>Such A Complete Disaster by Elle_dubs (avril_o)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22854676">Such A Complete Disaster</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/avril_o/pseuds/Elle_dubs'>Elle_dubs (avril_o)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>DCU, Smallville</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Facebook made me do it, Gen, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, superhero, villian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-29 08:21:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>524</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22854676</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/avril_o/pseuds/Elle_dubs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex is tired of Batman and Superman destroying Metropolis. Especially since Superman isn't paying any attention to him.</p>
<p>From a corvidprompts tumblr post.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clark Kent &amp; Lex Luthor, Clark Kent/Lex Luthor, Lex Luthor &amp; Bruce Wayne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>120</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Such A Complete Disaster</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lex slammed down his glass. The television was reporting, again, on the battle between Batman and Superman. He shook his head, face grim, as he stalked to the penthouse elevator. “This has gone on too long,” he muttered. He hit the button for the ground floor and waited impatiently. He smoothed the lapels off his gray suit, and picked imaginary lint off the lavender shirt, then glanced at his watch, and glared at the floor level display of the elevator, which was taking too long to descend. He exited the elevator and Mercy was waiting for him.</p>
<p>“Where do you plan on going, boss?” she asked, falling in behind him.</p>
<p>Lex rolled his eyes. “It’s such a nice day, I thought I’d go for a walk,” he said, mockingly, waving his hands at the debris falling from the tall skyscrapers of Metropolis, crashing to the street beyond him. Batman and Superman were destroying the infrastructure, pinging around the city like wrecking balls.</p>
<p>“Best take an umbrella, then,” Mercy replied with a straight face, and handed him a long metal rod. Lex inclined his head to her, then pressed a tiny button on one end. A force field sprung up on top, rather like an umbrella, and he cheerfully propped it up on his shoulder, covering his head and protecting him from glass and gravel alike. Mercy flipped a second rod around and turned on a second force field umbrella to keep herself safe while she trailed him through battle-torn city streets.</p>
<p>After twenty minutes of wandering the streets, dodging panicking civilians and searching the skies, Lex stopped on the sidewalk and looked up. “There you are,” he said, sighing, as he pulled a small gun from the shoulder holster under his coat. He aimed carefully and fired once, then carefully returned the gun to its lead-lined leather casing.</p>
<p>Lex turned to Mercy. “Call the car,” he suggested, as a heavy body hit the street, fracturing the pavement.</p>
<p>“Already done, boss,” she said, sliding her cell phone into her jacket and resuming an alert posture.</p>
<p>Lex knelt next to an unconscious Superman, pursing his lips. He ran his fingers over the shoulder wound, where the kryptonite stun needle was embedded. “You’re such a complete disaster, Clark,” he said fondly. “How does anyone let you out of their sight?”</p>
<p>He pulled Superman up off the ground and threw him over his shoulder, cape askew over his head, and walked to the limo that was pulling up beside them. He clasped glowing green restraints on Superman’s wrists, and heaved him into the car, then glared up at the Bat, who was skulking in the shadows overhead. He bared his teeth. “Bruce. Stop picking fights with people you aren’t ready for.”</p>
<p>Batman gazed at him steadily through the mask. “He’s a threat, Luthor. I can neutralize him.”</p>
<p>Lex cocked an eyebrow. “What made you think I was talking about Superman?” Then he smiled, showing his teeth again. “Don’t. Touch. My things.”</p>
<p>Lex climbed into the limo next to the unconscious Superman and shut the door, then tenderly cupped Clark’s cheek, smiling as his eyelashes fluttered. “Such a disaster.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's cool if I post one work, fifteen years later, and probably never post anything else here again, right? Cool. Thanks!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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